It has been a fight to keep my mind clean and free. When I was depressed, I was preparing everything in my life for my transition. I had a spirit of death on me. Not understanding it was a spirit, not my thoughts or desires.  I found amazing godparents for my daughter. My boys were already acting up and beginning to leave the house. My oldest son moved in with his aunt. I did not like that because of the lifestyle they lived; however, I knew he would be well taken care of.

My second son began acting out at age 15. When he turned 16, I sent him to Job Corps. The Holy Spirit told me when my children were at a young age, they would leave me at an early age. I thought surely not. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even know it was the Holy Spirit speaking. I thought it was just a weird thought I had.

My 3rd son was in middle school. He really had been acting out since he was born. He was the 1 son who always did unbelievable stuff. In preschool he pulled the fire alarm after school, in middle school, on day 1 he lit a bottle rocket in the middle of the school. He talked my youngest son into being the lookout guy when they went into the store so he could shoplift. Oh boy.

Yes, he was that kid. His father was in Louisiana on house arrest. I called his father and told him about the situation and he arranged it so that he could come home, take his son, and raise him and my youngest son, who is not biologically his.

All five of my children have different fathers so they were all scattered. It was messy, but they were all safe and in stable housing and were somewhere safe where they could continue their education.

I did not have a personal relationship with Christ. Every time I tried calling on him he would never answer. Sometimes I would feel his presence but the situation would not change, or it would get worse. I don’t know why he wouldn’t answer me but I was tired of trying to understand and figure this all out. 

I do know if I took myself out of the game it was an automatic ticket to hell so I couldn’t do anything that would put me at direct fault. While trying to figure out how I was going to exit left and go to my final destination I joined a ministry I currently attend. My pastor the late Stephen Darby, taught me to pray and to bind and lose. He taught me I had keys to unlock heaven. It took many years of fighting, praying fasting building my relationship with Christ, and getting filled with his Holy Spirit before I got some of my mind back. Even at 47 years old I still have to wake up every day and intentionally spend time with the Lord and intentionally keep my mind on him throughout the day and meditate on his word day and night but it is worth it. My life has begun to mellow out and I can finally begin to think for myself and live free.

What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul. Mark 8: 34, Your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions. This post took a totally different turn. I intended to post about something very different but this is what came out. 

For anyone going through remember 4 things. 1. God so loved the world that he gave his ONLY begotten son, his 1 and only son, to die for us. To save us from sin and a burning hell. Jesus Christ loved his Father and us and he said “Not my will Father, but your will be done.” He loved me and you so much, that he willingly was nailed to the cross and hung, bled, and died.  2. This is only a season, it will not always be like this. No matter what it looks like or feels like change is gonna come. Christ is not done with you yet. I know that for a fact because you are reading my post. 3. There is always someone worse off than you, and finally 4. This life is not our own. You don’t live this life for you. There is someone out there that needs you. They need to hear your story and how you overcame it so they can have the hope and encouragement to do the same. 

The words “He is still writing my story” hold a powerful meaning. It implies that our story is not yet complete and that every moment is a chance to shape our narrative. With each passing day, we have the opportunity to make choices that will influence our journey. Let these words be a reminder that you hold the pen to your own story, and the power to make it great.

Share the love of Jesus Christ with someone today, just like I shared with you

Lady H.