Ephesians 6:12 says; For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

You can read it from the kjv, Niv, the Nlt or what ever, they all mean the same thing. But what does it mean?  I can tell you I have had a lot of crazy experiences in my life time that I can’t just explain away or dismiss.  Why did these things happen to me, why do I see what I see, why am I being treated this way, why do I feel the way I feel.  Is it all in my head? Why do people dislike me?

Now,  before your mind gets to rolling in a crazy direction let me tell you. I was not severely beaten as a child, or locked in a closet for years or  sexually abused,  however, the things that did happen to me arrested my development.  I grew up with low self esteem and depression but no one knew.  I didn’t even know.  I couldn’t tell my mom or dad I was depressed, because I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I knew I was different.  I wasn’t a weird different but none the less I was different.

As soon as I was alone I would cry for hours and not know why,  I always felt my mom hated me because of the way she treated me.  The others weren’t treated the way I was.  Why was my mom so evil to me and no one else?  This world would be better off without me.

How would I do it though? I would think to myself.  How would I take myself out? Should I slit my wrist? I don’t care about the pain, I can handle that.  Should I drown myself? If I kill myself I will go to hell, so I guess taking my self out the game is not an option.  This didn’t stop me from thinking about it a lot though.

There is no way in the world you can tell me this is not a spiritual issues.  These evil suggestions and mind battles. I dealt with this from 5th grade until I was in my 30’s. Trapped all of those years with no one to understand me and no one to talk to.  I still have mind battles, that is the reason I have to pray, fast, and be around my brothers and sisters in Christ.  They keep me sane.

I’ve never taken medication for this issue, or any other issue at that.  I over came my depression on by the Holy Spirit, by learning to be Christ like and by learning about Christ and his grace and mercy that is new every morning.  Yeah, I still battle but I will wrestle, contend till my last breath.  The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy, but Christ said the seed will crush the head of the enemy.  I know who I am so I fight.  Letting others know you are not alone, and just maybe, this blog will help 2 or 3 along the way, and we will crush together in Jesus name.